Sucka,
I had to post this picture...God, did we get a good laugh. The wedding party. Remember? I wish I knew who these people were....Ha!
Lovin' You, Sucka...
OWCaacba
10.27.2007
10.26.2007
Hey there Buddy,
Still thinking about you every day that rolls around. But then that's nothing new, your one of a kind character, your ability to be a friend, and your inadvertant impact that you had and continue to have on me, on Heather, on your family, on Fred, and anyone else who had the benefit of knowing you is quite simply...., out of this world! You set a standard of being a friend to me Dan, and I tend to use that quite frequently towards others in my life and I swear it's like magic. It's a sincerity that slowly develops over time. It's like the ingredients of a real friendship. It's amazing still and I dig it Dan, I swear I really dig it!
I Love You So Much,
Your Friend Always,
Bill
Still thinking about you every day that rolls around. But then that's nothing new, your one of a kind character, your ability to be a friend, and your inadvertant impact that you had and continue to have on me, on Heather, on your family, on Fred, and anyone else who had the benefit of knowing you is quite simply...., out of this world! You set a standard of being a friend to me Dan, and I tend to use that quite frequently towards others in my life and I swear it's like magic. It's a sincerity that slowly develops over time. It's like the ingredients of a real friendship. It's amazing still and I dig it Dan, I swear I really dig it!
I Love You So Much,
Your Friend Always,
Bill
10.21.2007
Dearest Sucka,
I found that picture of the three of us at the Tampa airport. Sucka, I'm the only one left. You can see that me and you were just thrilled to be leaving Florida, NOT. Gini looked all happy to go home! Ha! It was November and about 85 in FL and we were headed back to -5 in Anchorage. Lame. But, that's just how it is, huh? Ha. I'm glad I have a picture of the three of us. I have others, but the quality isn't as good. I carved a pumpkin for you last night...it turned out really good. I'll post a picture. Lovin' you, Sucka. More later.
Forever,
Heather
10.18.2007
Sucka,
I found this picture of you at the Roger Maris Museum. You look so good in this one, as you do in all of them. In your Rage Against the Machine shirt! Hey, Bill called me and he's sending me a music care package with some of his faves...I can't wait! I'm so glad that I can keep in touch with Bill. He's awesome! We compare Dan stories all the time...it's truly a blessing to have him a phone call away. I'll be sending him a music care package, too. We miss you, Caacba.
Love, hugs and all that warm fuzzy stuff your way!
Heather
PS I can still picture the two of us on my living room floor, you trying to coach me on my "Sucka" and I aced it! A great day...I can see it like it was this morning...with the doily blanket! Miss you, my brown comporter! (Me and you and a dog named Comporter! Ha!)
10.15.2007
Hey there buddy,
Well it's back to work tomorrow after a weekend that went by way too fast. I was off on Friday which made it a 3 day weekend but still feel like I've not gotten enough sleep and like I can still use a couple of more days off. There's so much I need to talk about with you. I'm in a very strange place right now Dan and could use some advice. Some direction, some ideas, you know the "sister to sister" stuff. Ha! I've been depressed about a lot of things lately, and for the most part it's my HEP C and the reality of that. Watching my frind Trace Percy in California go from a vibrant enthusiastic FOX television producer to literally a mass of an infected soul that offered itself at deaths door all too soon. He had HEP C as well. It broke my heart when he died. He was in his early 50's. I may have told you about him? Anyways, we had met at the Spotlight back in the mid 90's and hell I didn't even know he had it, until one day he decides to bring it up in conversation, and I'm like, "WOW". It kind of threw me for a loop. Never in a million years would I have guessed that 15 years later I would end up with it. It isn't so much the possibility of dying, but what or whom I would leave behind that hurts to think about. I don't want to end up leaving Shane that way. He's everything to me, and who will take care of him? Well enough of the depressing crap; everyone is different with it and everyone responds to treatment differently too, so I need to learn to think more positive. You were always so positive towards me Dan. You had such a positive impact on my life that I'm still somewhat in denial over the whole thing. When I hear the Goo Goo Dolls sing "Here is Gone" I think of us. I've also been doing way too much in leau of you know what. It's strange when you consider all that I've been through lately, and then the increase of mind numbing agents. Coincedence? Probably not. I don't want to deal with the things in my life that are painful. I would rather set them on a back burner. Knowing all along that they will have to come forward eventually. This "juice" experience is frightening, not to mention expensive. What am I doing Dan? What the hell? DO I have something to prove or what? I've been so sick lately too and that's not really helped anything. I missed almost a whole week of work because of it. So did Shane too. I gave it to him and he's still slowly dragging behind me. I think mine was way worse though. It's been over 2 weeks and I'm still coughing and hacking every 5 minutes. But then I can't wait to light up another cigarette. You know? My job isn't really going anywhere like I was led to believe which is another dissapointment. Not to mention that my health insurance I found out on Friday is absolutely crap! They will only cover up to $25 a month on prescription drug costs. Can you believe that one? Hell that's a big bottle of Advil isn't it? That's where Shane comes in because if it wasn't for him keeping me somewhat sane, I wouldn't be able to handle it on my own. I'm so grateful that the good LORD has put him in my life. Being by myself would not be a good thing for me right now. You know first hand that I have a tendency to get very self destructive when I'm left to my own devices. And then I end up down in South Florida calling you up in Alaska going hey bi-atch! LOL! Yeah, I pretty much know my way around down there from those treatment experiences. But I can say that I learned a great deal from those times. Too bad it wasn't enough to keep me sober today right? LOL! Remember when you took off running from the Spotlight all the way to Franklin and Gower to kick TJ's ass? OMG! I will never forget that! How funny. I was huffing and puffing running behind you trying to catch up. Hell you were running through traffic and everything, and I kept wanting to stop and press the crosswalk buttons! Too f**king funny Dan! Boy the times you had with Joey-Oey in Hollywood. CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY! And I used to get so jealous because of all the attention that you were showing to Joey and not to me. Grant you "it" was never like "that" because we were true sista's and all that, but still I was so pissed. Damn it I miss you so much Dan! Remember when Appetite for Destruction came out? We were all over that! We just couldn't listen to that enough. "My Michelle" and "Rocket Queen"! Those were the days my friend. Times I will cherish for the rest of my complicated life! I'll talk to you soon Dan. Sorry I got a little carried away with things....
Your Friend,
Bill
Well it's back to work tomorrow after a weekend that went by way too fast. I was off on Friday which made it a 3 day weekend but still feel like I've not gotten enough sleep and like I can still use a couple of more days off. There's so much I need to talk about with you. I'm in a very strange place right now Dan and could use some advice. Some direction, some ideas, you know the "sister to sister" stuff. Ha! I've been depressed about a lot of things lately, and for the most part it's my HEP C and the reality of that. Watching my frind Trace Percy in California go from a vibrant enthusiastic FOX television producer to literally a mass of an infected soul that offered itself at deaths door all too soon. He had HEP C as well. It broke my heart when he died. He was in his early 50's. I may have told you about him? Anyways, we had met at the Spotlight back in the mid 90's and hell I didn't even know he had it, until one day he decides to bring it up in conversation, and I'm like, "WOW". It kind of threw me for a loop. Never in a million years would I have guessed that 15 years later I would end up with it. It isn't so much the possibility of dying, but what or whom I would leave behind that hurts to think about. I don't want to end up leaving Shane that way. He's everything to me, and who will take care of him? Well enough of the depressing crap; everyone is different with it and everyone responds to treatment differently too, so I need to learn to think more positive. You were always so positive towards me Dan. You had such a positive impact on my life that I'm still somewhat in denial over the whole thing. When I hear the Goo Goo Dolls sing "Here is Gone" I think of us. I've also been doing way too much in leau of you know what. It's strange when you consider all that I've been through lately, and then the increase of mind numbing agents. Coincedence? Probably not. I don't want to deal with the things in my life that are painful. I would rather set them on a back burner. Knowing all along that they will have to come forward eventually. This "juice" experience is frightening, not to mention expensive. What am I doing Dan? What the hell? DO I have something to prove or what? I've been so sick lately too and that's not really helped anything. I missed almost a whole week of work because of it. So did Shane too. I gave it to him and he's still slowly dragging behind me. I think mine was way worse though. It's been over 2 weeks and I'm still coughing and hacking every 5 minutes. But then I can't wait to light up another cigarette. You know? My job isn't really going anywhere like I was led to believe which is another dissapointment. Not to mention that my health insurance I found out on Friday is absolutely crap! They will only cover up to $25 a month on prescription drug costs. Can you believe that one? Hell that's a big bottle of Advil isn't it? That's where Shane comes in because if it wasn't for him keeping me somewhat sane, I wouldn't be able to handle it on my own. I'm so grateful that the good LORD has put him in my life. Being by myself would not be a good thing for me right now. You know first hand that I have a tendency to get very self destructive when I'm left to my own devices. And then I end up down in South Florida calling you up in Alaska going hey bi-atch! LOL! Yeah, I pretty much know my way around down there from those treatment experiences. But I can say that I learned a great deal from those times. Too bad it wasn't enough to keep me sober today right? LOL! Remember when you took off running from the Spotlight all the way to Franklin and Gower to kick TJ's ass? OMG! I will never forget that! How funny. I was huffing and puffing running behind you trying to catch up. Hell you were running through traffic and everything, and I kept wanting to stop and press the crosswalk buttons! Too f**king funny Dan! Boy the times you had with Joey-Oey in Hollywood. CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY! And I used to get so jealous because of all the attention that you were showing to Joey and not to me. Grant you "it" was never like "that" because we were true sista's and all that, but still I was so pissed. Damn it I miss you so much Dan! Remember when Appetite for Destruction came out? We were all over that! We just couldn't listen to that enough. "My Michelle" and "Rocket Queen"! Those were the days my friend. Times I will cherish for the rest of my complicated life! I'll talk to you soon Dan. Sorry I got a little carried away with things....
Your Friend,
Bill
(Dan and Kim...Johns Road, Anchorage)
Dan, how the days pass. Missing you comes in waves. Sometimes I feel like all is well and other times I feel so very small and unable to cope. I know in my heart I will never ever laugh again the way we would laugh. Heather and I talk all the time about them good ole days and it seems like yesterday. You were taken from us way too soon. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I pass the native hospital and always without fail look up to that 5th floor window half expecting you to be looking out. Thank you Dan for your friendship and love. For all the days of laughter and tears from laughing. The many drinks the several hours of talk and listening to music. The card playing the adventures that we would find ourselves in without looking. Thats what it is...I wasnt looking and you were gone. Funny how we always think theres always tomorrow. I LOVE YOU, Kim
10.14.2007
Hear N' Aid-
Caacba,
I found this video and had to post...remember how much we loved this! All the greats in one song, and it sounds like it's straight off the vinyl! Ha! Still lovin' you. Always, OWCaacba
10.12.2007
Caacba,
I had to pull this picture out...from the Flight Deck, back when it was one of the funnest places around. Wait, I can hardly see you through all the pitchers on the table! Ha! Gayla has that one picture of me and you sitting together, probably from the same night. I'll have to get it from her soon. Missin you much...yours, OWCaacba
Hey Dan,
You know I read these and wish that we could've spent more time together. Boy I sure wanted to! With the thousands of miles that seperated us, it never really seemed doable. You know? But despite that, we shared elements of one another that were pretty heavy. Hence the pain that I still feel when I long to talk to you again. I miss you so f**king much Dan; I'm still expecting to roll over and wake up from this horrible dream but day after day it becomes more apparant that it ain't happening. Just one more thing that I'd rather not have to deal with, you know? I love you!
Your friend,
Bill
Sucka,
I've been preoccupying myself with music. Mine, yours and a little bit of everything in between. Thanks Sucka for educating me on the finer music and all the stories you had to go with it all. I truly miss our get togethers when you had new music to share. Couldn't hold it back...and I truly loved and admired you for that. I was blessed to be a part of it. I won't get too mushy, but there it is...love you, Sucka...till the end of days.
Forever, Clicka
I sent you this disk. I'm sure you listened to it, but here's a little diddy that I believe was written in the memory of Dimebag...I'm not sure. But I really like it and it reminds me of you...
Thank You
Hellyeah
So many things,
I didn't say,
Is it too late now that you've gone away?
So many words,
So many ways,
If you can hear me now, there's something I gotta say.
Just one more talk,
Just one more touch,
If one's too much then..
I just want to say,
Thank you,
For everything,
You ever done for me,
I just want to say,
Thank you,
For all the things,
For saving me,
So many times,
So many days,
You helped me through,
Walked me through the rain,
So many tears,
Have washed away,
If you can hear my voice,
There's something I have to say..
It's been so long,
They say time will heal everything,
Could you send me a sign,
To fill the soul in my life,
Turn on a light,
To help me see through it all,
No one left to rescue me,
Save me...
I just want to say,
Thank you,
For everything,
You ever done for me
Still missing you...
10.09.2007
OH! The Easy Cheese of it all! Ha! What would a 70's era party be without the canned cheese? Ha! I just love this picture...we had so much fun that night. I think we ended up at the Flight Deck afterwards. That was the night that I passed out in the back seat of your car and the next day I called you, "Sucka, you were drivin' crazy last night!" You started laughing hysterically, "Heather, Rob was driving...you were crashed out on my shoulder and I even walked you into your house!" Ha! That's definitely a good night when you don't remember anything, but think you did. Crazy. We had plenty of those nights. I read one of your letters last night and you said "I'll say HI to Rob "Whacko" Hunter for ya!" Raven. Funny shit right there. Didn't he always wear the hockey helmet and ride around on the BMX bike with the full drum set built on? Ha! Too much, Sucka. Lovin' you, lots...more later!
Clicka
10.07.2007
Hey Sucka! I'm listening to Queensryche and it just flippin' takes me back to our Seattle days. We had so much fun. So many great memories...Chinatown and Kai's storefront. Remember those crazy parties and all the cool people we met? And the wicked teapot and Kai runnin' down the street tearing his pants off and throwing them off the overpass! Oh, the wonderful insanity of it all. I can see it like it was last week. The fortune cookies we stole from the factory when they would leave the door open and the chicken slaughter house that smelled so horrible and we would have to walk by it every day and the rain....the magnificent Seattle rain. Oh, Sucka...I'm so glad we got to do all that stuff together. It was perfect. We had nothing but we had everything at the same time. And my Guess jeans that you tore a hole in the knee...you thought I was going to be pissed about it. I actually liked them more with the hole. And the King Dome, we would walk up to it (slightly impaired) and just be in awe at the sheer size of it. And the bakeries downtown that would have the huge cakes on display and we would talk about those cakes all night! What fools we are for taking the little things for granted, but I guess that's what separates us from the animals. Ha. Sucka, you taught me that a good laugh holds more cure than a thousand doctors. I haven't had a good "internal jog" since you've been gone...it's long overdue. I'm workin' on it...miss you more than I thought possible.
Lovin' you forever,
Heather
10.04.2007
I never thought about what it was going to be like without you around. I still feel empty inside, like I want to pick up the phone and call you; I mean just to hear your voice again.."you have reached 273-7121 leave your name and number and we'll call you back". Even 'that' is gone now. You're still alive inside me, I can feel you, and hear your words.....Funny how that is...
Your friend,
Bill
(Picture is Dan at Flattop - Anchorage, AK)
Mornin' Sucka...my radio alarm woke me up to "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" Ha! Funny. And followed up with "Dreamweaver"! This picture had to be one of our trips up to the botanical garden. Remember we were milling around up there with Rob and Gini during the end of season stuff and we had to test the berries for "quality control" I swear if it wasn't for us, that security guard would've been asleep on the job. We didn't even get a 'thanks' (ha). And that night we went up there and Joel laid down in that ditch and you were singing that King Diamond (the sarcophagus...)tune. I will never, ever forget that and the stomach cramps from laughing so f**king hard! Sucka, I just had to sit and write a short note for you...missin' you so damn much. No words to describe the loss we're feeling since you took off. I know, Caacba...suck it up and get on with the program. NO! I don't want to! Ha! I'm feeling like a fine, vintage box of wine (tee hee). Gotta go to work and count moose and porcupine...lovin' you is easy 'cuz you're beautiful...Always, Clicka
10.03.2007
That's nacho cheese! Ha! I miss you so much, Sucka...I'm feeling like I've been exiled from my home country or something. You were my rock, Caacba. My anchor. You kept me sane and crazy at the same time...I don't know how you did it, but you did. I feel like I'm just floating along aimlessly, and, well, you remember what horrible sense of direction I have... This life is a cruise on the Love Boat and you were my entertainment director (was that Gopher or Julie? tee hee). Now what? I guess I'll find out eventually...I just hope you didn't leave this world not knowing how much you were truly loved. You were one in a gazillion and I'll never, ever replace you...I'm so thankful that I had you in my life for the time that I did. Like my mom said, you were the friend that I will only experience one of in a lifetime. Thank you Sucka. Your memories mean everything to me...what I wouldn't give to make more.
Love you so much,
Clicka
PS There is NO music I can listen to that doesn't remind me of you...I love it! As a matter of fact, I'm listening to CS&N right now (49 Bye-Byes...somewhat appropriate. Never say goodbye, I'll see you soon). There's some Puerto Rican girls just dyin' to meet you...ha. Notice that I left the guy sunbathing in the picture...I knew you would see the humor in it. Lovin' you.
10.01.2007
Sucka,
Kim and I had another great talk on the phone tonight. We both miss you SO much...I don't think there is ever a time that we talk and your name doesn't come up. You are such a huge part of our lives, and will always be. I hope you realized what you meant to us...you will always be my blubbery muppin. Love you forever and ever and ever, Sucka!
I'm going to carve a pumpkin for you.
Always,
Clicka
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