Hey there buddy,

Well it's back to work tomorrow after a weekend that went by way too fast. I was off on Friday which made it a 3 day weekend but still feel like I've not gotten enough sleep and like I can still use a couple of more days off. There's so much I need to talk about with you. I'm in a very strange place right now Dan and could use some advice. Some direction, some ideas, you know the "sister to sister" stuff. Ha! I've been depressed about a lot of things lately, and for the most part it's my HEP C and the reality of that. Watching my frind Trace Percy in California go from a vibrant enthusiastic FOX television producer to literally a mass of an infected soul that offered itself at deaths door all too soon. He had HEP C as well. It broke my heart when he died. He was in his early 50's. I may have told you about him? Anyways, we had met at the Spotlight back in the mid 90's and hell I didn't even know he had it, until one day he decides to bring it up in conversation, and I'm like, "WOW". It kind of threw me for a loop. Never in a million years would I have guessed that 15 years later I would end up with it. It isn't so much the possibility of dying, but what or whom I would leave behind that hurts to think about. I don't want to end up leaving Shane that way. He's everything to me, and who will take care of him? Well enough of the depressing crap; everyone is different with it and everyone responds to treatment differently too, so I need to learn to think more positive. You were always so positive towards me Dan. You had such a positive impact on my life that I'm still somewhat in denial over the whole thing. When I hear the Goo Goo Dolls sing "Here is Gone" I think of us. I've also been doing way too much in leau of you know what. It's strange when you consider all that I've been through lately, and then the increase of mind numbing agents. Coincedence? Probably not. I don't want to deal with the things in my life that are painful. I would rather set them on a back burner. Knowing all along that they will have to come forward eventually. This "juice" experience is frightening, not to mention expensive. What am I doing Dan? What the hell? DO I have something to prove or what? I've been so sick lately too and that's not really helped anything. I missed almost a whole week of work because of it. So did Shane too. I gave it to him and he's still slowly dragging behind me. I think mine was way worse though. It's been over 2 weeks and I'm still coughing and hacking every 5 minutes. But then I can't wait to light up another cigarette. You know? My job isn't really going anywhere like I was led to believe which is another dissapointment. Not to mention that my health insurance I found out on Friday is absolutely crap! They will only cover up to $25 a month on prescription drug costs. Can you believe that one? Hell that's a big bottle of Advil isn't it? That's where Shane comes in because if it wasn't for him keeping me somewhat sane, I wouldn't be able to handle it on my own. I'm so grateful that the good LORD has put him in my life. Being by myself would not be a good thing for me right now. You know first hand that I have a tendency to get very self destructive when I'm left to my own devices. And then I end up down in South Florida calling you up in Alaska going hey bi-atch! LOL! Yeah, I pretty much know my way around down there from those treatment experiences. But I can say that I learned a great deal from those times. Too bad it wasn't enough to keep me sober today right? LOL! Remember when you took off running from the Spotlight all the way to Franklin and Gower to kick TJ's ass? OMG! I will never forget that! How funny. I was huffing and puffing running behind you trying to catch up. Hell you were running through traffic and everything, and I kept wanting to stop and press the crosswalk buttons! Too f**king funny Dan! Boy the times you had with Joey-Oey in Hollywood. CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY! And I used to get so jealous because of all the attention that you were showing to Joey and not to me. Grant you "it" was never like "that" because we were true sista's and all that, but still I was so pissed. Damn it I miss you so much Dan! Remember when Appetite for Destruction came out? We were all over that! We just couldn't listen to that enough. "My Michelle" and "Rocket Queen"! Those were the days my friend. Times I will cherish for the rest of my complicated life! I'll talk to you soon Dan. Sorry I got a little carried away with things....

Your Friend,
Bill