The worst day of my life......so far
Feb 26, 2009, 10:22 pm
So, This morning, my son and I left to go to Winter Camp with his school - a small, charter
school. We got there first - I got the best bed! I helped in the kitchen, and helped
kids with breadmaking. Then, I was in charge of the lodge - keeping the fire going,
taking care of cold, wet kids. There is no cell phone access here. Around 3 or 4 pm - I
forget, really - I looked up to see my 23 year old daughter walking through the crowd
of kids, yelling "mom!" - "KARA!" I looked up - I knew right away something was wrong -
she doesn't even have a working vehicle! How did she get here - WHY is she here? With
THAT look on her face? A dear, old friend that I have known for 33 years - since we were
12 - died this morning. Tracy Lynn (Stansell) Cummins. All I could think about was
getting to the "3rd Musketeer". Our other friend, Lisa. We were inseparable from ages
12 to 17 - we knew each other before periods - let alone, boyfriends or babies! Lisa
hadn't heard. It was awful to have to be the one to tell her. As we were reminiscing,
and talking of old times, and old friends, she mentioned (casually) the passing of
another dear old friend. Unfortunately, I had not heard of this passing - and it had
been a year and a half! Danny - my beautiful boy! My crazy, little pansy!! WHY did I
not know you were gone?? It's as if I lost both of you today, and now I can't wrap my
head around it all. I came home and was going to call my good friend, Phil. But, before
I could, his fiancee' called me. His sister died this morning. Seriously - COULD today
suck more? It probably could - but I think I've had enough!!!! Really, God, if you're
there - please - I am 6 feet from the edge, okay?? No more. No more.
March 26, 2009 - Danny, Danny, Danny! I must tell your friends the story of how we met!
I still remember it just like yesterday! We were here, in Juneau, Alaska. At the "Games
People Play" arcade. I was all of 14, maybe 15. You said, "Can I bum a smoke?" I said,
"what are you? 12?" You replied, (a bit offended!) "I'm 13!" "Oh", I said, "well in that
case....." and handed you a cigarette. You and I were friends from that moment on! How
would I have heard Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers "Don't Do Me Like That" without you?
WHO ELSE would have taped those horrible songs from Flock of Seagulls on my MTV video
tapes in the early 80's? And, later, in Anchorage - you saved me from the "man" I married
when he tried to hurt me while pregnant with my now 23 year old daughter. When my brother
was hurt in a car accident and in a coma and I had to fly from Juneau to Anchorage, (On
CHRISTMAS DAY, no less!) Who met me at the airport, sat around the hospital, then took me
to their home, fed me, and tucked me in for the night? You, my friend. I have been so
involved with Tracy's family, that it has taken me this long to confront the fact that you
are gone, too, and no one told me. I guess Jess left Lisa a message, but it never got to me. I
am just....sick! Sick that I didn't know. Sick that I didn't get to say goodbye. And SICK
that I could have BEEN THERE in Sitka for your memorial. This summer, I will take a couple
of days, and go to Ketchikan for the spreading of Tracy's ashes. And I will make a stop in
Sitka. I will go to the beach where your ashes were spread. I WILL FIND where your ashes were spread.
Even if I have to go alone. I will say "goodbye". And, sadly, I will smoke 2 cigarettes
- 1 for you and 1 for me. I will write again, and I will find those old pictures of you
- especially that "otherwordly" one in front of the Merchant's Wharf - DAMN, you looked
GOOD! I can't begin to say how much I miss you - but I will try to find the words. I
will find that old Peechee you wrote on, and scan it in and send it on. I am lost.....
God, I miss you! I love you, my dear old friend.
Kara Altman
Sucka,
I'm posting this for Kara. Thanks Kara!!!
